Four score...
I think I spent so long struggling to keep things secure and even that it's taken almost four years for me to be able to look back on the past not only with wiser eyes but also with that bitter sweet longing and contented peace of someone who knows they are in a better place but also knows it was all so important and joyous despite the climb and endless swimming.
Fall usually does this to me. Puts me in a whole season filled with remembrance and cozy evenings of thoughtful writing and baking. Some of the best times of my life have been in the fall. The greatest adventures, the best of friendships and the softest reminders to be more and do more. I am sitting in a parking lot waiting for Jiffy Lube to open so I can get my oil changed (I just don't feel like changing it myself right now) and listening to a few folky bluegrass favorites... Avett Bros, Wood Brothers, Dave Rawlings, Justin Townes Earl and their somber trailing sadness accompany these feelings so well.
I am yearning to go back to school as I near closer and closer to knowing what I would go to school for, having spent enough time in the world now to know what I can do, what I enjoy doing and what the world may need. I just don't know how exactly to put these skills into play...I would do well to speak to an advisor or some folks in the field. Once again, the public school girl in me is controlled by a September- June Calendar and this is a new year for me NOW, rather than January. I don't mind that a bit, as January is too cold and grey to feel like anything new.
It will be a busy fall with many jobs to work and friends to help and hiking trips to try and squeeze in before the loveliest of weather is gone and the cold makes it hard to do anything without extra planning.
I never thought I would get here, to be honest, I didn't think there would be a time when I was so far from the survival and clawing of my early twenties that I would think fondly of the blues and loneliness of my earlier years. I am closer to 30, than 20 and though far from having any part of life figured out, I am discovering that is less important than enjoying what I have been given and just treading lightly on the earth and on anyone else's joy, while still chasing my own.
So, though still occasionally panicking over faulty steps and stupid choices and feeling like I have no idea where these last five years have gone, I feel INCREDIBLY fortunate that I can look back on them affectionately. A bit like a younger sibling, you want to smack their head and say "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ?!" But in the end you may just ruffle their hair and smile at their naivety. Thankful. That's what I am and what I will try to continue being despite the battle that is life on earth.
Slainte
BRM
Fall usually does this to me. Puts me in a whole season filled with remembrance and cozy evenings of thoughtful writing and baking. Some of the best times of my life have been in the fall. The greatest adventures, the best of friendships and the softest reminders to be more and do more. I am sitting in a parking lot waiting for Jiffy Lube to open so I can get my oil changed (I just don't feel like changing it myself right now) and listening to a few folky bluegrass favorites... Avett Bros, Wood Brothers, Dave Rawlings, Justin Townes Earl and their somber trailing sadness accompany these feelings so well.
I am yearning to go back to school as I near closer and closer to knowing what I would go to school for, having spent enough time in the world now to know what I can do, what I enjoy doing and what the world may need. I just don't know how exactly to put these skills into play...I would do well to speak to an advisor or some folks in the field. Once again, the public school girl in me is controlled by a September- June Calendar and this is a new year for me NOW, rather than January. I don't mind that a bit, as January is too cold and grey to feel like anything new.
It will be a busy fall with many jobs to work and friends to help and hiking trips to try and squeeze in before the loveliest of weather is gone and the cold makes it hard to do anything without extra planning.
I never thought I would get here, to be honest, I didn't think there would be a time when I was so far from the survival and clawing of my early twenties that I would think fondly of the blues and loneliness of my earlier years. I am closer to 30, than 20 and though far from having any part of life figured out, I am discovering that is less important than enjoying what I have been given and just treading lightly on the earth and on anyone else's joy, while still chasing my own.
So, though still occasionally panicking over faulty steps and stupid choices and feeling like I have no idea where these last five years have gone, I feel INCREDIBLY fortunate that I can look back on them affectionately. A bit like a younger sibling, you want to smack their head and say "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ?!" But in the end you may just ruffle their hair and smile at their naivety. Thankful. That's what I am and what I will try to continue being despite the battle that is life on earth.
Slainte
BRM
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