Soft and white, clean and bright, you look happy to meet me
Blossoms of snow may you bloom and grow, bloom and grow forever.
Oh Edelweiss.
This time of year is all about color. My green garden with vibrant yellow squash blossoms, the bold pinks and reds of zinnias, the bright florals of my wardrobe and the deep rich blue skies.
I love it and I cannot get enough.
That being said... I want white. Or cream. Or grey...brown...etc.
I found myself today changing the wall paper on my phone screen to a photo I took of a white shed with lots of green ivy tendrils covering it and was immediately soothed.
I wore a white shirt today with a warn calico skirt because I needed to see light colors. I am sure it is part of being hormonal and computer screens and etc. Whatever is fueling the push, here I am.
I also really want the ocean, which is rare for me. I grew up just miles from the beach and spent endless hours there after farming or on holidays. Often groups of friends would trek out to the beach in the evenings to light forbidden fires or just frolic at the edge of the cold water. I had had my fill by the time I moved inland to Williamsburg.
Now at the edge of the James (which I do really love), I am yearning for endless expanses of cream colored sand and hazy blue water that seemingly melts into the sky. For a jug of fizzy, slightly alcoholic kombucha and cucumbers with hummus or baba ghanouj. For exposed skin and freckles over noses with a really wonderful book and big floppy hat.
Do you ever have a hankering for something straight out of childhood like that? A Flintstones push up pop or the very particular smell of grandmother's laundry detergent? Some bulk overly scented soap from Costco that when it hits the dryer floods your senses with memories of fireworks and snakes and bug bites and mud pie?
When did it happen that they passed away? When did we put on the size 8 shoe that our sister's wore and it fit snugly? Sometime between being smitten with your brother's boyhood friend and having your first kiss in the auditorium of some beachy high school while equally beachy bands played cover tunes. It's such a lightning bug of a thing, this lengthening of leg and patience.
I remember being chubby and 10, running with the boys on the playground at recess, desperate to be the funny one or included because I would never be an object of their romantic affections and I would never fit in with the slender waists that my girl classmates showed off easily through the upcoming middle school years.
One day, not long after my mother pulled me out for homeschooling, I woke up with what seemed like 4 more inches of legs and waist, a bosom and shoulders that didn't seem to fit and arms to reach the top shelf of the cupboards for my sprite of a mother.
And it was just as quick that I stepped out of the discomfort of my early teens into the 1 or 2 years of true happiness and ease of body, thought and spirit that 18 brought. It did not last long before I decided I was ready to "grow up" and move away.
How many of your stories are like this? As soon as comfort greets you, it is snatched away and you find yourself desperate to leave that comfort and its ruination behind? Did you come back to it? Did you stick it out and wait to see if you could regain the sense of self worth and determination?
How many of you followed your dreams? How many of you had a dream?
I can never decide if I never had a dream or if I had so many and they all seemed so unachievable that I threw them away in a place I can't seem to find.
So many thoughts from one simple idea: white and clean and bright.
I am none of those things, despite my 4 hours of scrubbing sinks and floors this morning.
What I am is raw nerve endings, aware of too many things that need attention. Plastic to avoid, fabrics to remake into rags, dinners to plan, flea medicine to acquire, dogs to love, a partner in need of new shoes and tiny waisted pants and my own belly to feed while also trying desperately to tell it to shrink.
So when is there time for a curated scene of placid whiteness and glowing sun over crusty sand and pink skin? Where shall I steal my day of fizzy drink and veggie snacks?
I guess for now, this piece will do!
Slainte
~BRM
Oh Edelweiss.
This time of year is all about color. My green garden with vibrant yellow squash blossoms, the bold pinks and reds of zinnias, the bright florals of my wardrobe and the deep rich blue skies.
I love it and I cannot get enough.
That being said... I want white. Or cream. Or grey...brown...etc.
I found myself today changing the wall paper on my phone screen to a photo I took of a white shed with lots of green ivy tendrils covering it and was immediately soothed.
I wore a white shirt today with a warn calico skirt because I needed to see light colors. I am sure it is part of being hormonal and computer screens and etc. Whatever is fueling the push, here I am.
I also really want the ocean, which is rare for me. I grew up just miles from the beach and spent endless hours there after farming or on holidays. Often groups of friends would trek out to the beach in the evenings to light forbidden fires or just frolic at the edge of the cold water. I had had my fill by the time I moved inland to Williamsburg.
Now at the edge of the James (which I do really love), I am yearning for endless expanses of cream colored sand and hazy blue water that seemingly melts into the sky. For a jug of fizzy, slightly alcoholic kombucha and cucumbers with hummus or baba ghanouj. For exposed skin and freckles over noses with a really wonderful book and big floppy hat.
Do you ever have a hankering for something straight out of childhood like that? A Flintstones push up pop or the very particular smell of grandmother's laundry detergent? Some bulk overly scented soap from Costco that when it hits the dryer floods your senses with memories of fireworks and snakes and bug bites and mud pie?
When did it happen that they passed away? When did we put on the size 8 shoe that our sister's wore and it fit snugly? Sometime between being smitten with your brother's boyhood friend and having your first kiss in the auditorium of some beachy high school while equally beachy bands played cover tunes. It's such a lightning bug of a thing, this lengthening of leg and patience.
I remember being chubby and 10, running with the boys on the playground at recess, desperate to be the funny one or included because I would never be an object of their romantic affections and I would never fit in with the slender waists that my girl classmates showed off easily through the upcoming middle school years.
One day, not long after my mother pulled me out for homeschooling, I woke up with what seemed like 4 more inches of legs and waist, a bosom and shoulders that didn't seem to fit and arms to reach the top shelf of the cupboards for my sprite of a mother.
And it was just as quick that I stepped out of the discomfort of my early teens into the 1 or 2 years of true happiness and ease of body, thought and spirit that 18 brought. It did not last long before I decided I was ready to "grow up" and move away.
How many of your stories are like this? As soon as comfort greets you, it is snatched away and you find yourself desperate to leave that comfort and its ruination behind? Did you come back to it? Did you stick it out and wait to see if you could regain the sense of self worth and determination?
How many of you followed your dreams? How many of you had a dream?
I can never decide if I never had a dream or if I had so many and they all seemed so unachievable that I threw them away in a place I can't seem to find.
So many thoughts from one simple idea: white and clean and bright.
I am none of those things, despite my 4 hours of scrubbing sinks and floors this morning.
What I am is raw nerve endings, aware of too many things that need attention. Plastic to avoid, fabrics to remake into rags, dinners to plan, flea medicine to acquire, dogs to love, a partner in need of new shoes and tiny waisted pants and my own belly to feed while also trying desperately to tell it to shrink.
So when is there time for a curated scene of placid whiteness and glowing sun over crusty sand and pink skin? Where shall I steal my day of fizzy drink and veggie snacks?
I guess for now, this piece will do!
Slainte
~BRM
Did you find it at Chincoteague? For a moment or two at least? xo
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