New Years, new fears, new smears

        Sure, it's just symbolic that it is a new year. But sometimes we really need something to kick us into gear or sometimes a symbol can be the last straw, a sign. This new year's was that for me, perhaps for the first time in a while. This year for perhaps the first time in my life I realized that I need to take care of myself and stop taking care of other people. I need to not care if someone is pissed off or offended and I need to not care if they don't eat the best food. I need to sleep more, take long walks, baths and do one thing in my day for my body and my brain. Commit to the most important human relationship, that of myself and myself.

     I spend so much of my life trying to make sure everyone else is okay and not upset and while I know this is a good quality, it can come crashing down pretty fast to take your energy, your peace and your emotion. Lately, I have felt like a big bowl of water, constantly dipped into by every person in my day but filled by none. I need to find a water source in my day to day, and I need to rid myself of extraneous and thirsty mouths. 

    Any advice for me? Any good directions to take or steps to use? I am looking for people or activities to fill me. Part of the problem is working 55 hours a week and only having a day and a half to unwind/get all my chores and etc done in the week. After having three days off for new year's and being able to cook, and bake and clean and create and relax, I am painfully aware of how important it is to have the things that make me feel whole. How can one live a life worth living and also support one's self? 

   In this new year I hope we all find a way to cope, I hope we all get a little peace and rest that we deserve. I hope we all find a better way to do the things we struggle to do every day. I hope the economy gets better and being able to afford living and school and beauty is actually possible for those of us without the means to have it all now. I also hope for eye openings and reckonings. For the world and those sheltered from struggling see how hard it is to struggle and be unable to have the perfect life or even a good life. I hope for change and comeuppance. For a new order to the selfish ways of the world. 

   But for now, I hope you all sleep well and start the week off with a new outlook and some refreshment from the grind. I'll leave you with a picture of one of the things (creatures rather) that keeps me happy and alive. 

Slainte

BRM