Dusty mats, dirty rags, broken brooms.
It's been a little while since I wiped the tables out front of the restaurant as I always seem to have some greater responsibility elsewhere. But tonight, as I scrubbed the remainder of someone's chocolate indulgence off the marble, I recalled many evenings spent doing just this task.
I felt the balmy summer evening two years ago when I sat sweeping the cigarette butts and receipts out from under the table and chair legs and my sister and family friend walked up to tell me of their day spent photographing the album art for Linda and Robin Williams. I remember seething with jealousy, I also remember a shy, blonde boy talking to me awkwardly about trees and school and the confusion of which path to take. I remember feeling giddy finding someone who was just as confused but excited as I was about this big world. I remember leaning on the broom, watching him walk away and sighing. I thought to myself, "if only I had someone like him to walk along with me in this crazy world."
I remember freezing nights sneaking out to grab the flags and dog water bowl and do a quick sweep before coming back in to thaw out. I recall chit-chatting with total strangers about nothing important. I remember feeling so small in this small town full of small things and small ideas.
And tonight, as I swept and scrubbed and collected trash, I thought of all of these things again, but with more hope and with a satisfaction that only comes with age and experience. I know this is not it for me, I know that I can and will move on, grow more, be bigger and better, and best of all, that shy boy, he IS walking with me.Crazy stuff.
So much can happen not only in a life, but in a span of just two or so years...
"hello my old heart, are you still there? You've been so still..."
I have left behind old hearts and brought in new ones. I have grown.
I took a week or so with very little contact with the outside world. I have felt the severe need to disconnect from humanity for a bit. I need to not compare myself to others or know how great their life is, or how terrible. I am tired of exposure, tired of keeping up with the cute manic pixie dream girls or the flower fairies. As, I am none of these.
I have just enough energy tonight to put the clean sheets on my bed, fold a bit of laundry and do 50 sit ups and bicycle crunches before collapsing here on my bed to write about my ponderings today. Tomorrow will prove just as busy as today and I look forward to living in the moment and feeling everything. I am trying this new thing, not planning ahead, not over-thinking. Just trying to look out the window of this fast-moving train while the world whips around me, savouring the moments and flavors thrown my way.
Goodnight world, Tomorrow is a long time.
Slainte!
BRM
I felt the balmy summer evening two years ago when I sat sweeping the cigarette butts and receipts out from under the table and chair legs and my sister and family friend walked up to tell me of their day spent photographing the album art for Linda and Robin Williams. I remember seething with jealousy, I also remember a shy, blonde boy talking to me awkwardly about trees and school and the confusion of which path to take. I remember feeling giddy finding someone who was just as confused but excited as I was about this big world. I remember leaning on the broom, watching him walk away and sighing. I thought to myself, "if only I had someone like him to walk along with me in this crazy world."
I remember freezing nights sneaking out to grab the flags and dog water bowl and do a quick sweep before coming back in to thaw out. I recall chit-chatting with total strangers about nothing important. I remember feeling so small in this small town full of small things and small ideas.
And tonight, as I swept and scrubbed and collected trash, I thought of all of these things again, but with more hope and with a satisfaction that only comes with age and experience. I know this is not it for me, I know that I can and will move on, grow more, be bigger and better, and best of all, that shy boy, he IS walking with me.Crazy stuff.
So much can happen not only in a life, but in a span of just two or so years...
"hello my old heart, are you still there? You've been so still..."
I have left behind old hearts and brought in new ones. I have grown.
I took a week or so with very little contact with the outside world. I have felt the severe need to disconnect from humanity for a bit. I need to not compare myself to others or know how great their life is, or how terrible. I am tired of exposure, tired of keeping up with the cute manic pixie dream girls or the flower fairies. As, I am none of these.
I have just enough energy tonight to put the clean sheets on my bed, fold a bit of laundry and do 50 sit ups and bicycle crunches before collapsing here on my bed to write about my ponderings today. Tomorrow will prove just as busy as today and I look forward to living in the moment and feeling everything. I am trying this new thing, not planning ahead, not over-thinking. Just trying to look out the window of this fast-moving train while the world whips around me, savouring the moments and flavors thrown my way.
Goodnight world, Tomorrow is a long time.
Slainte!
BRM
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