Mess is Mine
You know those songs that evoke some really deep sense of loss? The sharp intake of breath as the lyrics and guitar strike a chord inside of you. Then you begin to reminisce on the pain you've been through and the things you've lost and gained. Almost too much to handle sometimes. No words can express how it feels, but...I think you get it.
It's awfully nice when someone is there to hold you through it, while your body is wracked with memory and pain. You writhe inside, your stomach clenching and the tears flooding your tight shut eyes. Oh, but how rare it is that we aren't alone when that musical moment takes over. Its terrifying to give in, not to change the station or hit "next" on the pandora station. But I find myself needing it, often. That lonely feeling reminds me how fortunate I am now and what a long way I have come.
I speak about my past and the hardships I have been handed and dealt with or even failed to deal with, I can babble forever about it, but truly, how amazing is it to know what an incredible number of things we can feel and from which we can recover? Sia has a new song and there are a few lyrics I really think are beautifully applicable to the human race. "I've got thick skin and an elastic heart."
YES, WE DO! I stopped counting the number of times I thought I would never recover or that I was simply going to give up forever on: work, men, horses, guitar, baking, loving, caring, living. But I have given up on none of those things because of that thick skin and elastic heart. We were created to bounce back, like a rubber ball.
There is only forward, only tomorrow. Yesterday is an interesting story to tell and a nice moral to the end of a day's story, but that's it. It what we do in moving forward, beyond the loneliness and sadness. Beyond the illusion that we will never again be okay. I've always been a fan of words and express myself rather well via these black and white characters. But for some things, I have expended my vocabulary and have talked/typed/written more than enough and it still isn't enough...
....for those moments, I have songs. I have music. And I have eyes. Eyes to bore into another's and open the door to a sentiment far, far deeper and sweeter and more potent than words.
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It's awfully nice when someone is there to hold you through it, while your body is wracked with memory and pain. You writhe inside, your stomach clenching and the tears flooding your tight shut eyes. Oh, but how rare it is that we aren't alone when that musical moment takes over. Its terrifying to give in, not to change the station or hit "next" on the pandora station. But I find myself needing it, often. That lonely feeling reminds me how fortunate I am now and what a long way I have come.
I speak about my past and the hardships I have been handed and dealt with or even failed to deal with, I can babble forever about it, but truly, how amazing is it to know what an incredible number of things we can feel and from which we can recover? Sia has a new song and there are a few lyrics I really think are beautifully applicable to the human race. "I've got thick skin and an elastic heart."
YES, WE DO! I stopped counting the number of times I thought I would never recover or that I was simply going to give up forever on: work, men, horses, guitar, baking, loving, caring, living. But I have given up on none of those things because of that thick skin and elastic heart. We were created to bounce back, like a rubber ball.
There is only forward, only tomorrow. Yesterday is an interesting story to tell and a nice moral to the end of a day's story, but that's it. It what we do in moving forward, beyond the loneliness and sadness. Beyond the illusion that we will never again be okay. I've always been a fan of words and express myself rather well via these black and white characters. But for some things, I have expended my vocabulary and have talked/typed/written more than enough and it still isn't enough...
....for those moments, I have songs. I have music. And I have eyes. Eyes to bore into another's and open the door to a sentiment far, far deeper and sweeter and more potent than words.
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